On My Mind

• Going to the grocery store
• Should I take Lucy to the doctor?
• Is it ever going to stop snowing...is it spring yet?
• Red Savoy's pizza for dinner
• A bottle of white wine
• Under Armour sweatpants
• Spring Clothes
• When is my cold going to go away
• Why do I always want to workout/start a diet when I'm sick?
• The Bachelor
• Secrets

Toddler Tuesday's and Mama's Day Out

Toddler Tuesday's at the Mall of America is the best idea! 10 - 12 is kid time, today the Teddy Bear Band played and tired the kids out. Then its kids eat free at a number of restaurants. We ate at Crave today. It was delish! Once the kids are fed and tired out its mommy time.
Here are a few things I found:

Wrap Cardigan

Woven-back sweater

skinny ultra lounge-pant

10 Things That Make Me Happy: Januray

1. New episodes of Real Housewives on Hulu
2. Listening to Lucy laugh
3. Naptime
4. Peppermint Hot Chocolate
5. Spending time with Puddledaddy
6. Fall evenings and smelling bonfires
7. Laughing with friends
8. Dancing like no one is watching
9. Finding new music
10. Meeting new friends

She works hard for her dinner

Don't you just love her?! She makes everyday so much better. Love you "CeCe"

It can only get better from here

I had a bad night last night. I thought I was doing okay...until I watched Parenthood (the TV show). Two of the parents were trying to explain death to their seven year old daughter. They decided they weren't going to explain the heaven idea. She got so sad that they ended up telling her how we all meet again in heaven. That made me think about heaven. Does it exist like we are told to believe? If it does exist do unborn babies go there. If they do and I make it to heaven will I be reunited with him or her?  Will I know my baby? Even as I type this I start tearing up.
Its been three days since my baby left me and things can only get better right?

On My Mind

• Taking the Christmas decorations down



• Finding a headboard and nightstand for Lucy's room



• Elderflower Liqueuor...is it too early for a drink?



• Gap Kid's Valentine's Day line



• When am I going to stop feeling pregnant...when are my hCG levels going to be at zero?



• Seeing my family from Kansas tomorrow



• Cee Lo Green's song F$%* you and Bruno Mars' song Grenade



• Why is there always and upgrade to Adobe Flash



• Laundry

Try Try Again

Yes it has been a couple days....but I have good reasons (yes reasons) for not posting.
1. My computer broke.
2. I miscarried.

Number two sounds way worse then what it is. I had only known I was pregnant for a week and a half. Not enough time to get used to it. The positive test came on Christmas Eve. A week later the bleeding started; just a little bit at first and today I swear I have bleed out an entire full grown placenta. But I am ok. Not many people knew, parents, family and a few close friends. That's all. I don't mind telling people about my miscarriage, but know that others can be uncomfortable and not know what to say. The most concerning thing has to be that both my mom and my dad told me to, "keep trying." Seriously I feel like next time we "do it" I'm going to be imagining my parents on the side of the bed yelling, "You can do it" "Lift those legs higher!" Gross, I know.

I had what doctors call a blighted ovum. Which means the egg was fertilized but for what whatever reason didn't grow into a baby. The placenta was developing and released hCG which caused the positive pregnancy test. Most blighted ovum's are due to chromosomal abnormality. Which means that my miscarriage was for the best and I am actually grateful that it happened when it did and now further along in my pregnancy.

This is me looking on the bright side. Trust me there was plenty of crying, asking God why, and thinking was there anything I could have done differently.

There is nothing left to do, but try, try again.